This morning I despaired. There’s this theory that is supposed to guide our work. The idea is that you search out the good things God is doing, then you join in. The problem was that this morning, I was overwhelmed with recent events and negative thoughts. We’ve been here 18 months, and this morning I felt like God isn’t up to much at all. Some of the thoughts.
- I was collecting water from the borehole this morning, and two 12 ish year old boys were pushing into the line, and not listening to the 20-25 year old woman telling them to take their turn. I picked up the boys’ jerry cans twice and took them to the back of the line. They didn’t care and just pushed in again. I ended up throwing a jerry can away I was so frustrated. There was a massive sense of entitlement purely due to their ‘superior’ gender. Here, being a man is just better – its horrible.
- Many people I come in contact with in my old and new job say they are Christian, but its abundantly clear they are only concerned about finding any way possible to get more money.
- We know way too many fathers who have enough money, but are utterly unconcerned that they wreck their kids’ lives by not paying their school fees.
- Our new pastor has been to our church only once in the last 6 weeks.
Then I went to church. I didn’t really want to this morning. I arrived very late, after the sermon had started. I looked up and Gerrard was preaching, one of my favourite people here. He lives right on the breadline, and fixes bikes by day – not a lucrative job at all. With all this financial pressure, he gives up his entire Thursday to counsel people and pray for them, anyone who comes through the church door. He’s so caring and a wonderful listener. There are no mental health workers or counsellors here, and this is the only chance many people will get for emotional and spiritual healing. We’ve seen people inspired and loads lifted. After his sermon, half the church came up to be prayed for, and the place was electric
I awoke from my stupor, and was overwhelmed with guilt at my negative thoughts. I was blind and full of bitterness. It was like God held out his hand to me then slapped me a couple of times in the face. God is up to something, despite the mess.